Thursday, June 14, 2018

Letting Your Love One's the hardest thing you'll ever do.

I have spent nearly the entire month of May in tears and unspeakable sorrow.  On May 26 at 5:30 a.m. my brothers, sisters and my brother's wife and children held hands, cried and prayed over my brother Kenny as he quietly and peacefully left this earth and joined our loving God in Heaven.

Just eighteen days before his passing, Kenny wasn't feeling well.  His back hurt and he had indigestion.  He thought he was having a heart attack and drove himself to the hospital.  
It wasn't a heart attack, it was an aggressive and rare form of cancer called,  Cholangiocarcinoma, which is bile duct cancer.
His medical team gave us little hope but the family decided on chemotherapy to give him a few more months.  Sadly that did not happen.  His liver stopped functioning and he developed sepsis.  There was nothing they could do. In just a few weeks he was gone.

 Hospice was called, we made him comfortable as possible and waited for God to come.  During this time our emotions were out of control, our hearts were heavy as we held on to a glimmer of hope that he might pull through.  He was only 63 with a  birthday in July.  It was way to early for him to leave us.

We are a family of six.  Three brothers and three sisters.  Kenny was my baby brother.  He was always the laughter in the room, the adventurous one, the hard worker, the best hugger and the one brother that held all of us together.  He loved his family, he loved West Virginia where he was born.  He loved his friends and never lost touch with them.  He loved Harley Motorcycles which he built and collected.  He loved sports and loved antiques. He's the brother that I spoke about on my blog when my sister Kim and I spent the weekend with him antiquing and shopping. His biggest passion was gardening and landscaping. But most of all he loved his wife, his two sons and his daughter. 
He was planning to retire next year from his job as a supervisor for Barnhill Construction and had plans to finish the landscaping the gardens of their new home.  It never happened.

God had other plans for Kenny.  
I'm not sure that I will ever get over losing Kenny.  Life feels really sad right now and it's like a big chunk of my heart has been ripped from me.  My entire family is hurting so bad and every day is a challenge to stay strong and positive.  It's so hard returning to everyday life without Kenny with us.  I will always honor his life and his legacy.  He will forever be in my heart.

So, I'll leave you all with this.  Make that phone call, make that visit, hug your loved ones and tell them how much they mean to you.  Don't put it off until tomorrow, because tomorrow might not come.  Kenny only had eighteen days.  He waited for each one of his brothers and sisters to arrive.  He asked if we were all there.  When he heard our voices he seemed at peace.  But how do you tell someone how much you love them within a short amount of time...somehow you just do.  We each one kissed him and quietly whispered to him that he could go.  You'll never know how hard it is to tell someone you love that they are free to go.  The selfish side of us wants them to never leave, but you know they must.

I love you Kenny.  Thank you for the love you have given to us.  You will be forever in our hearts.



Dorthe said...

Dearest Sissie ,
my heartfelt and loving condolences to you, and your family, for the loss of your brother.
I lost my sister to cancer , when she was 56, so I know .

Hugs and love, from Dorthe

Helen said...

My heart aches for you and for everyone who loved him. Please take care, Sissie.

Linda @ A La Carte said...

This brings me to tears. Losing my brother a few years ago I too went through so much sorrow and still do. He was my only sibling and I feel so alone at times. I'm so glad you have others to remember him with. Big hugs to you sweet friend. He sounds like a wonderful man,husband, father and brother.

NanaDiana said...

I am at work and this popped up on FB. You KNOW that I am bawling like a baby because I have lived through (and with) that same experience. God bless all of you. I wish I could tell you it get easier and, while the immediate sharp pain dulls, it never really leaves you that your sibling is beyond the Great Divide.
I do believe that we will all be reunited in Heaven someday. xo Diana

Sandi@ Rose Chintz Cottage said...

Aw, Sissy, I'm so sorry! My hubby and I have buried so many of his family members and it's always a heart break especially when they are young. I just got back this week from a blog break and I was happy to see your post but saddened to hear your news. Take care, my friend. I will be praying for you. Big hugs and God bless you! ...Sandi

Tamara said...

I'm so very sorry for your loss.. praying that you and your family
find comfort and peace.


Blondie's Journal said... sweet Sissie. I am so, so sad that you, your family, and entire circle are going through this loss. I can see that your brother Kenny, was a very vibrant and loving man...a lover of life. The world is a little less brighter without him. And as I always think about lives cut short---what happiness we will miss out on.

I pray for you. I wish I could hug you. Stay strong. Know it takes a long time to grieve, accept that and each day the weight will ease from your shoulders and heart. But he will never be forgotten.

Love you.

Jane xxx

Junkchiccottage said...

What a heartfelt and beautiful post on sharing your loss of your sweet brother. There is nothing harder in life than to lose a loved one. I am so sorry for this big loss and the hole in your heart. Hoping all the wonderful memories of growing up and what life you shared as adults will help you to remember this special man. God needed him to come home earlier than the rest of you. He has bigger plans for your brother now. If anything good can come out of that kind of cancer it is that he did not suffer long. Time does not take away the loss and pain but it does have a way of making it more tolerable. I wish that in the days to come for you. Big hugs from me. Let those sad tears flow to help your heart move forward. Sooooo sooooo sorry for this loss.

Pinehurst Farm said...

Oh Sissy,
My heart bleeds for you. I lost my 59year old brother four years ago.I am the only one left as my Mother passed at 65and my Dad at 70. I try to let all my loved ones know that I love them every time I see them.

Mary said...

Sissie dear, my heart breaks for you and your family at this time. How very, very sad to lose this obviously wonderfull man so suddenly. Words are not enough I know to ease your pain, but please know you are definitely in my thoughts and prayers right now. Stay strong.
Mary x

Pamela said...

I am a Hospice Registered Nurse. I know that we can also bring comfort to the patient’s family.
May God give you comfort through this difficult time.

Victorian1885 said...

I am so sorry for your loss Sissie... take care. Hugs, Wanda

Stacey said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, Sissie. I can't even imagine!

Blogger is having some pretty serious issues right now. We have to just hang tight I guess.

Okio B Designs said...

I am so very sorry for your loss, Sissie. Sending hugs and kisses your way.


CHERI said...

Sissie, I am seeing your post and I am so very, very sorry for the loss of your brother Kenny. He sounds like a wonderful man. It's hard to understand why we lose the good ones, but I always tell myself that God knows best. I very well understand how difficult it is to deal with the loss of someone we love so very much. The hardest part of life is letting go of loved ones. All I can tell you is that time does help. The empty hole left by your loved one can never be filled, but God somehow helps us to heal and let go of our grief and remember the good times. I pray this will happen for you and your family soon, and I know Kenny would want all of you to smile each time you think of him. Hope you will be back to writing your blog soon.

Cindy The Victorian Journey said...

Dearest Sissie, I know your pain, I feel your sorrow, I too lost my only sibling, my brother. It has been three years ago 6/10/2015 I know that your sorrow is so strong and I must say after three years I still cry most weeks. I was in charge of his medical decisions and though I thought I was strong enough to handle that and did the best I could. I still have the if only I could have saved him. It is a long hard road grief. My heart hurts for you and your family loss. I wish I could say the pain goes away but I will say you learn to hurt quietly in your quiet moments. Grief is the love we cannot touch anymore yet still have it. I am so sorry for your loss.

Hugs, Cindy

bj said...

Dear Sissy...not sure if you knew that my Mr. Sweet of 57 years passed away last summer. I so understand your hurt here. It's been a year since my Bill went home to Heaven and I still miss him every second of every day. So so heart broken.
Your post is a beautiful tribute to your brother.
Sending prayers and thoughts your way.

Anne's Phamilyblog said...

I remember praying for your sweet brother. I saw your comment at Diana's blog and had to stop by to say hello. I remember a friend I knew was partnered with you in an exchange once and I was jealous of her because you sent her the sweetest things ever! I love seeing your photos at social media but I am still trying to keep up my blog. I also have prayed for you and yours regarding your son too. Take care and have a wonderful weekend. No one can ever take out memories from us when we love someone we love. It never gets easier just tolerable I suppose. Take care my friends HUGS

Unknown said...

Dear Sissie,

I found you while reading comments on Kathysue's Good Life of Design.
Just want to say that I am so sorry about the loss of your dear brother. I, too, understand as my beloved husband went to be with the Lord fifteen years ago due to cancer. Though I still miss and think of him every day, God has been faithful to comfort and give strength and peace. I pray for you and your family.

I, too, am "Sissy" to my two younger sisters!

God bless you!

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